Thursday, July 19, 2012

Low libido/sex drive

Sorry it's been awhile, everyone, I have been in hot pursuit of finishing my preparation for oral boards and it's been a little too long since I've posted here on the blog.  I've been getting quite a few emails and consultations regarding low sex drive, so I thought I'd share what my usual conversation entails.

Unfortunately for women, sex is so multifactorial that we can't just take a pill or have a go-to trick that will help us with sex drive.  Women need all of the pieces of the puzzle to fit before we we feel good enough to have sex.  We need to feel loved, cared for, stress-free, we take more time for arousal and sometimes husbands can become impatient in this process.  Before we talk medications, I like to discuss behavior modifications.  I usually try to tell my patients to start with  the following things and see if there isn't improvement in libido:

1.  Trying to have more sexual thoughts about your husband throughout the day (have a goal of 3 times each day, men think about sex more than 20 times a day on average--we're just trying to level the playing field here).

2.  Make kissing and touching your husband a priority.  Before you leave each other in the morning, when you see each other again, make kissing and touching a MUST.  I know it seems silly, but have a goal of a few long, sustained kisses/touches each day.

3.  Taking more time with foreplay than you usually do.

4.  Making sure sex is comfortable for you.  If lubrication is a problem, mineral oil (instead of KY jelly) may help, you can get mineral oil at a drugstore.

5.  Having alone time with your husband.  It's hard to make a physical/sexual connection if you haven't made a mental or spiritual connection in awhile.  "Alone time" or "date night" might help to open up the lines of communication, which in turn helps you both to feel on the same page enough to want to sleep in the same bed.

6.  Aim for at least 7 hours of sleep.  A woman that isn't sleeping is living at a higher stress hormone (cortisol) level--that definitely does not help with libido, it drops sexual desire to the basement.

Just trying to help a sister out ;)
Peace to you all,
Dr. Rachel